What a Cup of Beans and Rock, Paper, Scissors Taught Us About Belonging

Each year during our sixth grade retreat, before students head to Main Event for a day of food, games, and fun, I lead them through an activity we call the Bean Game.

On the surface, it looks like a lively game of rock, paper, scissors. Students laugh, compete, and move around the room trying to collect beans from one another. However, the activity is really about something much more important. It’s about inclusion and belonging.

Each student begins with a cup containing a randomly assigned number of beans. Some start with an abundance, some have very few, and others begin somewhere in the middle. As the game unfolds, I tend to notice the same patterns each year.

Students with fewer beans quickly begin strategizing. Their focus is often on survival — how can they stay in the game without losing the little they have? Every round feels important.

Students with an abundance of beans tend to play with a greater sense of freedom. They may still want to win, but they know an occasional loss will not significantly affect them. They can take chances because they have a comfortable cushion.

The students in the middle often move between joy and worry. Their confidence can change depending on who they are playing and how many beans their opponent has. In many ways, the Bean Game reflects the Middle School experience.

Some students enter Middle School with plenty of social “beans.” They may already have close friends, social confidence, or a strong sense of where they belong. That security gives them the freedom to take chances and recover from an uncomfortable moment.

Other students may feel as though they have very few beans. They might be searching for a friend group, adjusting to a new school, or trying to understand where they fit. For them, a small social loss can feel much larger because they are already worried about losing the little sense of belonging they have found.

We may not be able to ensure that every student always has the same number of beans. We can, however, teach our students to recognize what they have and consider how they might use it to support someone else.

That was the most encouraging part of the activity for me. During their small-group discussions, our sixth graders began reaching these conclusions on their own. They recognized that they have the power to notice when someone is on the outside, invite someone into a group, offer encouragement, or use their own confidence to help another person feel more comfortable. Their reflections were thoughtful, compassionate, and incredibly encouraging to me as their school leader.

I hope our families will continue this conversation at home. You might ask your child: “What kinds of beans do you have in our school community? How could you use them to help someone else feel included?”

Sometimes building community looks like saving someone a seat, inviting a classmate to join a game, checking on someone who seems quiet, or simply letting another person know, “You belong with us.”
Every child deserves to feel like they belong. Every child deserves to feel safe and seen. And each of our students has something they can offer to help make that true for someone else.