Tip of the Iceberg: Looking Beyond the Surface

One of the most important questions Middle School students begin to wrestle with is simple, but not easy: “Who am I?” It doesn’t always come out directly. Instead, it shows up in friendships, in moments of confidence or doubt, and in how students begin to see themselves and each other.Recently, our sixth-grade students took part in a lesson called “Tip of the Iceberg.” We asked them to picture an iceberg.

Only a small part is visible above the water, however, what lies beneath the surface is so much more, such as their experiences, values, emotions, and the less visible parts of their identity.Although this is a lesson we conducted with our students, the reality is people of all ages and backgrounds are similar. Our brains are designed to acknowledge how someone looks, how they dress, how they act — which is only a small part of who they are. There’s always more beneath the surface that we don’t immediately see.

Middle Schoolers are incredibly aware of how they’re perceived by their peers. At the same time, they’re still learning how to understand others beyond first impressions. We want them to understand surface level assessments can often lead to quick assumptions:

• “They don’t seem like someone I’d hang out with.”

• “They’re quiet, so they probably don’t have much to say.”

• “They seem confident. They must have it all figured out.”

Those assumptions are often incomplete, and sometimes just incorrect. One of the goals of this lesson was to help students slow down and recognize that what they see isn’t the whole story.

We talked about a simple shift: moving from judgment to curiosity. Instead of deciding who someone is in a moment, students can begin to wonder:

• What might I not know about this person?

• What experiences have shaped them?

That shift matters. It changes how students treat one another. It opens the door for empathy, inclusion, and better relationships. This is the type of community we aspire to build at Seven Hills.

At Seven Hills, we want students to feel safe, seen, supported, and successful, however, we understand this does not come easily. Lessons like this are one small way we work toward that every day.

When students begin to understand that everyone has more beneath the surface, they’re more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt, choose kindness, practice inclusivity, and better reflect on their actions. Actively practicing this is what helps shape our aspirational community.

Continuing the Conversation at Home

If you’re looking for a way to build on this at home, you might ask:

• What’s something about you people don’t always see right away?

• Have you ever been misunderstood?

• How can we learn more about people instead of making assumptions?

These conversations don’t have to be long, but they can stick with your children in meaningful ways. Because when students learn to look beyond the “tip of the iceberg,” they understand themselves and others better.