Support Through the Struggle
October 30, 2026
“I can’t do this.”
“It’s too hard.”
If you’ve heard these words at home, you’re in good company. We hear them at school, too. Middle School brings new challenges, greater responsibilities, and growing expectations for independence.
Sometimes the strategies that helped children succeed before no longer seem to work. That can be frustrating, especially when they are trying hard and still aren’t getting the results they hoped for.
As parents and educators, we want our children to feel confident and successful. Watching them struggle is difficult, and it’s understandable that we want to help them feel better or solve the problem. I find myself thinking about what our responses might communicate in those moments.
Are we helping children believe they can work through a challenge? Do our reactions match our message that it’s okay to struggle?
These are questions for all of us. We can value growth and still find ourselves asking about a grade before asking about the learning. We can encourage independence and then step in quickly when something becomes uncomfortable. Our intentions come from a place of care, but children may receive a different message.
Some students share that they feel pressure to earn As because they want to make their parents happy, and a disappointing result can leave them worrying that they have let someone down or wondering whether they are capable. When that happens, getting started on the next assignment can feel even harder. Understanding that worry gives us a place to begin.
“Sometimes the most helpful response is simply, ‘You worked hard, and this didn’t turn out the way you hoped. I understand why you’re frustrated.'”
Head of Middle School James Jessup
We don’t have to move immediately into questions or corrections. Giving children time to process their disappointment can help them feel heard and become more ready to consider what comes next. Then we can help them find a manageable next step.
At school, that might sound like, “Show me where you got stuck.” At home, it might be, “What have you tried, and what help would be useful?” Both responses leave room for children to do the thinking while reassuring them that someone is beside them.
I also wonder how often we let our children see our own struggles. Do they hear about a mistake we made, feedback that was hard to receive, or something we are still figuring out? At school, we can share the challenges behind the accomplishments of people students study. At home, everyday experiences can open the same conversation. Sharing how we sought advice, changed our approach, apologized, or tried again helps make the process of learning visible.
Middle School gives children many opportunities to practice responding to difficulty. We can maintain high expectations while recognizing the growth involved in asking for help, revising work, or returning to something they wanted to avoid. Those steps deserve our attention alongside the final result.
This is an important place for our partnership. When you notice your child feeling discouraged or anxious about schoolwork, please share that with us. We can share what we see at school, listen to one another, and work together to understand what support will help your child move forward with increasing confidence and independence.
My hope is that, together, we can help our children understand that struggling does not mean they are incapable. It means there is something they are still learning — and they have caring adults ready to support them along the way.
FURTHER READING
“A Research-Based Strategy for Guiding Students to Engage in Productive Struggle”
