Partnerships

Like many of you, I have fond memories of going to Lower School drop-in days, talent shows, costume parades, virtual museums, and beginning music concerts, mingling with other excited parents as we watched our children start to take important steps. 

End-of-year portfolios and classroom newsletters provided ample material for scrapbooks and treasure chests. At the same time, our pediatrician’s office had a 24-hour nurse on call to answer those urgent questions, and my children were quick to keep me up-to-date on every happening in their lives.  

But the quest for independence is inevitable, and I started to know less and less about the daily happenings of my children’s lives. Long stories in the car turned into “fine” or “OK,” and somehow math tests and English essays were less exciting to keep than the picture of the farm visit.

But none of this means that we, as parents, are less important in our children’s lives. They just need us in different ways. And your involvement in school life is just as crucial now (even though it may look different) as it was during the costume parade.  

At Seven Hills, we’ve been so fortunate this year to have had multiple experts, including Dr. Lisa Damour and Dr. Renee Mattson, share some key insights with our parent community on how and what the evolving role of parents can be for adolescents.  

The art and science of both teaching and parenting continue to evolve at a rapid pace as researchers are able to measure brain function, emotional responses, and stress (good and bad) in ways that were simply not possible even a generation ago. 

Which is why your children need you now more than ever, even if the role a parent plays is different from what it was in the Lower or Middle school phases.

As I have attended and listened to the advice from these researchers, educators, and coaches, I’ve been struck by some similar threads. Dr. Damour posed the key question of “Is it uncomfortable or unmanageable?” when dealing with the initial reactions of a teen in a perceived crisis.  

Dr. Mattson spoke of the need to not steal the struggle (we need to allow our children to go through the important phases of stress in order to grow, much as muscles do while exercising) and not “teaching in the firepit” (when a child is in the wrong kind of stress, they aren’t ready to learn or be corrected. They need to be heard and validated). 

And at a recent conference we attended as an entire school, Dr. Tracey Tokuhama-Espinosa, a mind-brain-education researcher at Harvard, shared insights from the exploding research on how teens learn, and how we can best support them during these fundamental years. There are many “neuromyths” that are still perpetuated, which stunt a student’s development by forgetting the plasticity, flexibility, and resilience of our current youth. Yes, there are unique challenges to their generation, but they are also equipped to do things that weren’t even possible five or 10 years ago.

These ideas bring me back to partnerships. At Seven Hills, we are committed to constantly improving our understanding of what today’s teenagers need and how we can better equip them for an ever-changing future.  

When we work together as parents, students, and teachers, we form a powerful union that can support, validate, empower, and prepare our students for what comes next.  

To quote Dr. Mattson, “Your teen is a whole person: with strengths, needs, interests, leverage, calming needs, social experiences, academics, and behaviors that are unique to them and not part of who you are. Use the whole person to help them bump through the negative behaviors and find new functional ways to get through their days.” 

So, stay curious. Check Canvas and keep the conversations from the school day alive at home.  Push their thinking, and encourage them to think critically and support their thoughts. Reach out to your children’s teachers while embracing the necessary struggle of academic and social growth. 

As teachers and administrators, we consider it a great honor to work with and help mold tomorrow’s leaders.  

Together, this synergy will create the future. Thank you to the many parents and families who have attended sessions, reached out with ideas and questions, and engaged in opportunities to strengthen these partnerships. The students are absolutely worth it. This is the work.